She no longer fears missing out, for she has learned that what’s meant for her will never pass her by. While the world rushes to chase trends, gatherings, and noise, she finds peace in her own rhythm. Her joy isn’t borrowed from what others are doing, but born from the satisfaction of being present where she is …
She doesn’t measure her life against anyone’s timeline. She knows that every soul blooms in its own season. She would rather miss a hundred fleeting moments than lose the one that truly belongs to her …
For her, the real richness lies not in being everywhere, but in being whole, right where she stands …
In puzzled ponder, a name I’ve heard Though “Roksana” my soul preferred … Yet as time passed by A fondness did arise Love’s influence moves my heart … Let the name be my tender song In love’s embrace, I truly belong …
Part of my morning rituals are spent in my little varandah garden! It refreshes me …. Love the sound of the chirping birds, the warm light, smell of the wind and greens and flowers … Some days I read here with a glass of warm honey water and some days a cup of tea … with a little conversation … These days are Ramadan days, the most blessed days and I’m healing from my broken finger …. I hope it’ll be alright soon … and everything too
Most days, when it’s Friday, I remember that on such one Friday I entered his city, and he didn’t show up …
Do you know what I was thinking when I stepped out of the airport? I never been to this airport and unfortunately I was going to stay only the night at his city ….
Our hotel cars were outside the airport. We girls got into the cars and the car was passing through the airport road to get to the city centre … the full moon was racing with us, I was watching it through the car window …with my wandering heartbeats on …
I wanted to believe that he will be there to surprise me. So without any contact with him, I was still hoping that I may see him in there at the hotel lobby and for that I was feeling a bit nervous, ‘What if he actually comes!? Should I go outside to grab coffee with him as he wanted to take me out for a coffee, or should I ask him to have dinner at the hotel restaurant as it was already late because of the delayed flight. We won’t get time for a coffee break somewhere else.’ – to be honest I was feeling very nervous too. And more importantly, I needed to give him the gifts that I’ve been carrying throughout my whole trip,… So I needed to unpack my luggage!”
“Oh no! That would be a mess!” – I was thinking about all these in my mind …
Then we reached the hotel. The lobby was normal with less people. I looked around a little bit more. “Was there any face that was searching someone?” – I was looking here and there and was thinking about this – “Oh! better if he doesn’t come now.” As if I can recognise him. I never saw him even. How stupid and pathetic I was! I was thinking, ‘I want to freshen up first and then I’ll be coming down again for dinner, and may be by that time he would come and I may offer him dinner Dosa at the hotel restaurant’ … I still can’t believe that I was thinking all of these even without any confirmation from him to meet me here! Feeling too much angry at myself ….
However, after the hotel formalities were done, we went up to our room and then I came down with my travel mate and by that time I grew a feeling of no expectation that he would come. ‘If I expect, it’s going to hurt me. It’s alright’ – I was thinking to make myself feel better and now I’m waiting for my dosa with an expectation of having a good dinner, because I was so hungry by that time through so many things and all of these unsure traumas …
Unfortunately -A delayed flight disappointed me … -‘He’ disappointed me (He didn’t come. He didn’t confirm he would come though. Still I felt disappointed as if it’s all his fault…. ) -Dosa disappointed me (I was so hungry and I was craving dosa, but it was a disaster)
Now what?
A dilemma …
To keep or not to keep the gift packet at the reception desk!
My poor little handmade gifts for him, and few other things – should I keep my gift packet for him to pick later on when he gets to know that I was at his city and about all of these!
Poor me and my surprise gifts!
Wish he would know how brave it was for me to accept his coffee date for sometime in the middle of the night …
It won’t make sense if he never comes and by that time I started having headaches. I must sleep for sometime, and so I did, having a medicine …
It was 3 AM in the morning, again our cars were on the road of his city to reach the airport. This time I took some videos of the road as a memory of the city.
Long ago when the young girl in me visited this city, she was a carefree young girl who didnt know what does disappointment means! At that time she treasured the memory of visiting the famous amusement park with her siblings – it was full of fun, laughter and pure innocent joy. That time she left the city with delightful memories.
Now she’s leaving the city with the gift she so lovingly brought here for someone she never met before, but whom she thought she knew for a long time ….
This time she was innocent too, as her feelings were so deep and true, but she didn’t understand why she would be disappointed for someone who didn’t even know about the gifts she’s been carrying for him.
But for what reason, she was upset – she didn’t understand though she’s not a carefree young girl anymore …
But she was upset, confused and disoriented because now she was carrying the gifts to bring back home and carrying a strange unknown heart leaving a bit of her heart in this dark city!
Dark, because she entered it with a strange unknown feeling and it was nighttime though the moon was there (a relief to my eyes) and dark, because her heart was broken for a completely unknown, strange, unspecified reason so she was in denial for long …
It was a Friday night entering his city and on the morning of Saturday my flight took off from his city …
So on Fridays, most times it reminds me of that Friday when I was in his city, and he didn’t show up …
It’s a long post. I’m sorry for that. If you’ve read the whole story, thank you and tell me if you’ve ever felt the same? Or any instance that you might have felt ….
In poetry we say, Ink spills from the pen, Words dance upon the page’s breath and Each letters have taken my heartbeat And thus poetry becomes my infinite playground …
Humepenthe/ made up (n.) someone who makes you forget er your pain and sorrow; someone with whom you forget all your worries ….
Humepenthe is a made up word (@cosmosbyrudra) made with combination of human + nepenthe which human form of a drug which was given to people to forget or lessen their pain and suffering in ancient time ….
A royal escape with some happy laughter And sometimes some happy tears … Together with you only I’ll go to such escape Again and again, now and always And throughout all the coming years of any age …
Together we’ll visit The Louvre Museum to see Mona Lisa To see her mysterious beauty Her smile is a mirror of me and Like me, the curve of her lips speak wisely … Her eyes have an unspoken love, dear What would she say if she could speak? Darling, if you want to know Then ask me only …..
By the flowing Blue Nile We’ll thread a dream strong The mightier streams will pass it To other mightier throng … We’ll also keep the magic of love By the brilliance shades of Pyramids See, the beautiful Giza is near They say, it’s west of the Nile clear … Will we see Sphinx, Pharaoh’s face? We’ll discover the mysteries of that phase Together
The moon shines brightly upon the Great Wall It’s lying like a great dragon along the sky Three thousand years of wind and rain come by It’s path is natural, strong and magnificent, just like you It’s a long journey on the Great Wall And I’ll be close to you, talking and walking about too …
Let’s get an appointment at the Eiffel Tower As in the ‘Sleepless in Seattle’, You may love it’s rooftop, High, high, very high …. Together from there We’ll make our journey and we’ll fly Screaming to the world, ‘Goodbye’ ….
Taj Mahal, no doubt, we’ll see It’s a sign of eternal love The gardens, the palace The embroidered doors, walls and marbles In all its beauty, a wondrous splendour … But it brightens no brighter, darling As it brightens in your heart’s core ….
We may dive in the Pacific Ocean Its waves are like lustrous strands Inviting us to light the deep with our love … We may sit by it’s beach And listen to the calling of the sea-gulls We’ll find rocks and shells We’ll walk hand in hand Enjoying the ocean’s smell …
It would be excellent To walk a Hollywood Fame … You and me will act the roll As they act in ‘You’ve got Mail’ I’m sure we’ll achieve a glamorous name …
Live orchestra of ‘Love-story’ In Italy, will be a joyful sight The every thought, the music says It says of the wish of a beautiful night …
We’ll ride a New York subway We’ll play hide and seek Station after station We’ll laugh and not fray Our laughter will keep the wind Soothing For others to breathe more and to pray …
Sweetheart, we’ll plant our flowers We’ll see the blue open sky We’ll see watch stars at night And we’ll do something different everyday To be kinder and to be more bright We’ll feed a hungry child With one word of gentle love With one look more smiling to him It’s a divine pleasure It’s never a charity to any other But to ourselves darling, It’ll build our truthful insight, undoubtedly …
A Royal Escape of such happy laughter With some happy tears is a pleasure … As we grow together, with smiles I’ll be escaping with only you To many phases and places Again and again, now and always And through out all the coming years of any age …
It’s my personal favourite with some error, here and there. And I know it’s a bit long than my usual ones, but I love this long poem and I hope you would love it too to read it all ….
And here I mentioned about Taj Mahal …. Don’t know why I didn’t mention Pahalgam or the BETAAB Valley … Kashmir is my recent favourite place, absolutely, say like forever ♾️ 🥰
So should I include the place in this Royal Escape? Tell me ….
And tell me also where would you escape if there’s any chance of you being able to take such escape …
I’m sorry I took a lot of time I never thought You would notice let alone ask me about it …. So I am a bit nervous, feeling a bit overwhelmed It’s a bit difficult for me … Can the answer wait? I may reply a bit later but I don’t know May be or may be not … If I do not take time now And say that I wish to say … Then it may sound vulnerable Again it may or may not be To you; I do not know …. Just your presence lingering for a long, long, long time now without a trace of heartache … And it’s better unsaid to you … May be or may be not But I’ve never been happier to fall like this … And then I’m a bit upset also That you’ve noticed Even if you noticed Why did you have to ask me? You made me awkward … And that’s why I was a bit upset … Couldn’t you be silent? There are so many things to tell I have so many words to say May be not now, or may be now I believe it’s happening You’re becoming my idle thoughts … Then what’s the fuss about it? Then what’s that ‘May be or may be not’ at all? …
You are lingering Over my head like rain clouds … When will you fall like rain in my heart?
But wait … Not now … Not yet ……
Ever since I’ve acknowledged this f e e l ing Interestingly, I have felt less alone …
There are still some lingering doubts in my mind; though My journey into this has been very unplanned So practicing the pause and silence would probably work, telling myself … And the rain clouds are hovering over me …. Hence taking pause has become easy silently, and solitarily …
As if I’m in love with the bliss of solitude … These rain-clouds are lingering over my head And I’m looking at it from the bright side That they are with me means to me As if You’re with me!
So, wait .… Not now … Not yet …..
Fall like rain in my heart After sometime, after some pauses … Rain in my heart for no reason Let the clouds part, doubts be gone, Fall in love with me … Like a soft, whispering breeze while it rains Only after sometime, after some pauses …
I was waiting For you And you didn’t show up while my odes started to burn … A heartache …
After a while, There a humble person came along .. Seemed so at the moment … I asked him to take a picture of me and There I sat at the corner of a bench In the garden … Took some time to Get my mood toned Up my unsettled face … There the man waited patiently … A gentleman ….
Once it’s all set yet unsteady As I was, I heard the man said, ‘Ready?’ Twinkled at him and said, ‘Yes’ Smiling … With the chilly breeze that was Passing through I preferred my warm Jacket kept aside And my heavy heart smile For the warmth I needed …. A harmony ….
Later on I welcomed a friendly Conversation with the stranger He seemed to like all of it … My chitter-chattering And laughter flowed freely, naturally … Then we started walking In the garden, blooming all around An attachment ….
The balance was the two umbrellas For each of us, His violet, mine yellow one We were walking and talking Keeping the in-between distance mindfully yet our heart-felt notions were quietly replaying … The undefined mysteries of the world, meanwhile … Letting love in our heart, unknowingly … After a while, we faded into our different paths Just two strangers with memories A detachment ….
Roksana Tales 