You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
And the extent of my affection …
My feelings are genuine
And my love is sincere
The moon symbolizes my love …
So tender was the kiss
That touched my heart
Such deep affection
Makes me yearn for you …
You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
Reflect on this
And gaze above
The moon symbolizes my heart …
Most days, when it’s Friday, I remember that on such one Friday I entered his city, and he didn’t show up …
Do you know what I was thinking when I stepped out of the airport? I never been to this airport and unfortunately I was going to stay only the night at his city ….
Our hotel cars were outside the airport. We girls got into the cars and the car was passing through the airport road to get to the city centre … the full moon was racing with us, I was watching it through the car window …with my wandering heartbeats on …
I wanted to believe that he will be there to surprise me. So without any contact with him, I was still hoping that I may see him in there at the hotel lobby and for that I was feeling a bit nervous, ‘What if he actually comes!? Should I go outside to grab coffee with him as he wanted to take me out for a coffee, or should I ask him to have dinner at the hotel restaurant as it was already late because of the delayed flight. We won’t get time for a coffee break somewhere else.’ – to be honest I was feeling very nervous too. And more importantly, I needed to give him the gifts that I’ve been carrying throughout my whole trip,… So I needed to unpack my luggage!”
“Oh no! That would be a mess!” – I was thinking about all these in my mind …
Then we reached the hotel. The lobby was normal with less people. I looked around a little bit more. “Was there any face that was searching someone?” – I was looking here and there and was thinking about this – “Oh! better if he doesn’t come now.” As if I can recognise him. I never saw him even. How stupid and pathetic I was! I was thinking, ‘I want to freshen up first and then I’ll be coming down again for dinner, and may be by that time he would come and I may offer him dinner Dosa at the hotel restaurant’ … I still can’t believe that I was thinking all of these even without any confirmation from him to meet me here! Feeling too much angry at myself ….
However, after the hotel formalities were done, we went up to our room and then I came down with my travel mate and by that time I grew a feeling of no expectation that he would come. ‘If I expect, it’s going to hurt me. It’s alright’ – I was thinking to make myself feel better and now I’m waiting for my dosa with an expectation of having a good dinner, because I was so hungry by that time through so many things and all of these unsure traumas …
Unfortunately
-A delayed flight disappointed me …
-‘He’ disappointed me (He didn’t come. He didn’t confirm he would come though. Still I felt disappointed as if it’s all his fault…. )
-Dosa disappointed me (I was so hungry and I was craving dosa, but it was a disaster)
Now what?
A dilemma …
To keep or not to keep the gift packet at the reception desk!
My poor little handmade gifts for him, and few other things – should I keep my gift packet for him to pick later on when he gets to know that I was at his city and about all of these!
Poor me and my surprise gifts!
Wish he would know how brave it was for me to accept his coffee date for sometime in the middle of the night …
It won’t make sense if he never comes and by that time I started having headaches. I must sleep for sometime, and so I did, having a medicine …
It was 3 AM in the morning, again our cars were on the road of his city to reach the airport. This time I took some videos of the road as a memory of the city.
Long ago when the young girl in me visited this city, she was a carefree young girl who didnt know what does disappointment means! At that time she treasured the memory of visiting the famous amusement park with her siblings – it was full of fun, laughter and pure innocent joy. That time she left the city with delightful memories.
Now she’s leaving the city with the gift she so lovingly brought here for someone she never met before, but whom she thought she knew for a long time ….
This time she was innocent too, as her feelings were so deep and true, but she didn’t understand why she would be disappointed for someone who didn’t even know about the gifts she’s been carrying for him.
But for what reason, she was upset – she didn’t understand though she’s not a carefree young girl anymore …
But she was upset, confused and disoriented because now she was carrying the gifts to bring back home and carrying a strange unknown heart leaving a bit of her heart in this dark city!
Dark, because she entered it with a strange unknown feeling and it was nighttime though the moon was there (a relief to my eyes) and dark, because her heart was broken for a completely unknown, strange, unspecified reason so she was in denial for long …
It was a Friday night entering his city and on the morning of Saturday my flight took off from his city …
So on Fridays, most times it reminds me of
that Friday when I was in his city, and he didn’t show up …
A delusion!
It’s a long post. I’m sorry for that. If you’ve read the whole story, thank you and tell me if you’ve ever felt the same? Or any instance that you might have felt ….
Sometimes
all you need is going to
somewhere quiet
and
you are my
‘Somewhere Quiet’ place
always ….
.
.
Querencia / Spanish /kɛˈrɛnθɪə, Spanish keˈrenθja, keˈrensja/
(adj.) a place where one feels safe, a place where one feels at home …
Just thought to add an audio of these verses. Excuse my terrible voice and poor sound effects🙏 I took quite a few attempts for this and lastly I thought, ‘Okay, let it be.’ 🤷🏿♀️
I know you all are kind, compassionate and thoughtful.
Thank you ✨ Smiles for you ☺️
Some days I like to walk with a book….
And with that, there are some words to reflect..
Don’t go back to past.
There’s nothing you can do about it.
Accept where you’re at and move on and try be in the present.
Have gratitude for what you already have.
Have compassion and accept what is.
And if you can change it, it’s okay.
But there are somethings that you need to accept that you can’t change
And if you can’t change, let it go.
Be who you’re and people will like you.
A grief is a grief is a grief, and there’s not a piece of me that believes one loss is greater than another…Everyone’s loss is greater in their life. Try to understand this and be empathetic about it. So in a world where you can be anything, be kind.
Time is the finest gift one can give to other from heart and soul. Empathy is the truest attribute one can possess for others.
Just “Don’t ever give anybody enough power to bring back the triggered unhealed version of you, when you’ve worked so hard to become better than that” ….
Sometimes
Somehow I feel
I love you …
Sometimes
Somehow I mean
To say, ‘I need you’ …
Sometimes
Somehow I shyly
Whisper, ‘I want you’ …
Sometimes
Somehow I think
I have you as mine …
Sometimes
Somehow I get
That you are near me …
Sometimes
Somehow I know
I’m a mess without you …
Sometimes
Somehow I dream
Walking beside you …
Sometimes
Somehow I hope
A lifetime of promises
With you …
Sometimes
Somehow I hear
You saying all of these
To me …
Sometimes somehow I feel funny writing all these letters of love. Then sometimes somehow I know somewhere someone may resonate all of my these simple, plain and quite undecorated letters of love for themselves … And then all the time I know that the letters of love may differ from person to person, but the in-depth feelings of love remain the same…
How do you feel about the letters of love? 😊
Wanted to meet you wearing my white Kanchipuram saree in front of Taj Mahal …
Now you’re coming to the hospital
To see me …
It would be quite an unexpected sight …
But my heart is pounding at the very thought of it …
– Hello, are you okay?
– Yes, I’m okay.
– I’m sorry.
– Why are you sorry? There’s nothing you could’ve done. It was supposed to happen the way I was so clumsy on the road
– Why were you …
– Umm. I’m sorry …
I couldn’t tell him, my heart was restless at the very thought of meeting him for the first time ever …
So I was a bit unmindful and acted clumsily, and silly on the road and there the accident happened in the middle of the midnight …
– Hey, don’t worry. You’ll be fine. I’m coming to you.
Instantly there’s this faster beating of my heart at the very sound of him saying, ‘I’m coming to you.’
I wanted to meet you wearing my very traditional Kanchipuram white saree.
It’s as elegant as Taj.
I feel gorgeous in it.
I have been keeping it aside the day we planned to meet in front of Taj.
Now you are coming to the hospital
and I m wearing this dull hospital gown!
How ironic is that ….. !
Oh, no! I think I could see him.
That’s got to be him …
How am I sure!
Why not …
I have seen him so
Many times in my dreams …
I know how he walks, how he looks, how he would talk to me …
Oh no! I dreamt of conversation over coffee with him …
Now?
What will I have with him?
Or is he bringing soup and fruits for a patient (that’s me)?
Unfortunately ….
He’s looking here and there …
Not sure of the direction, I guess …
Should I call him?
Tell him to come straight over here …
I’m just behind this long glass door and
Precisely just follow the directions from where faster loud heartbeats are coming…
That’s mine
How can I manage my heart palpitations?
I can hear it…
It’s unmanageable …
Now, yes he’s near and has found me …
Waving his hand in a friendly smiling manner …
I’m just feeling shy even to wave back a little bit …
As if I have become all still!
My heart is beating so fast
And I do not want him to see me like this …
Nervous and blushing
Hey, but I’m sick …
My heart rate can be high
And I can blush a bit
Fortunately ….
There’s this beating in my heart, and
It sounds like you …
You told me when you would meet me,
You’ll recite my favourite poem, and that’s
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
“Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky”
Now you won’t be reciting the poem …
Now you’ll just sit in front of my hospital bed
And talk this or that …
As if I would be in pain listening to your recitation, you would think …
But trust me, I won’t be in pain
To listen to you …
Now
I don’t know if you can hear me properly
Cause at the back of my mind, I’m hearing you reciting, ‘Let us go then, you and I’ …
I also feel to just leave this place
You and I …
How boring this place is
For two strangers to meet for the first time …
– Hey, finally, I’m able to see you. How are you now?
(Your thoughtful words for me)
– I’m just fine. The doctor said I can leave by 3 pm …
– Really? That’s awesome then. It’s already 1 pm. Should we finalize the papers and payments etc?
– Oh! Don’t worry! That’s already done. I just can wrap up all the papers and medicines.
– Where’s your lugguge?
– There’s a locker for the patients without attendance. So they kept those there. My hotel pickup car will soon arrive …
– What? No ways! I’ve my car and you’re coming with me. I may drop you there. You’ll finish the checked in at your hotel and then take some time to freshen up. Then we’ll go for an early dinner, I mean if you would feel fine. Or we can meet tomorrow again. Don’t worry.
While he was saying all these words there, I was thinking all in my mind,
‘Then I’ll wear my white Kanchipuram saree for the dinner with him which I wanted to wear to meet him for the first time in front of Taj Mahal.’
He saw my blank look and suddenly I heard him asking,
– Don’t you trust me?
There my heartbeat paused for a bit and I told him,
– I trust you.
– Did you listen what I said?
– Yes, I did …
– Good. So all’s settled then…
Finally we’re getting into cozy conversation…
A quiet conversation
Dwelling
In the eternal love …
.
To be continued ….
Tell me, if it were you written this dialogue style poem, what title would you use for it?
I’m just curious ….
I’m so lost now …
Seeing you
In the breeze of the moonlit night …
That faraway moon brightens our long conversations so much,
That it feels
Like we could talk forever
In the deep of this moonlit night …
I’m so lost now
Looking deep in your eyes
As you whisper sweet nothings
In the breeze of the moonlit night tonight …
And promise me
You’ll always remember:You’re
A. A Milne, Winnie the Pooh
Braver than you believe, and
Stronger than you seem, and
Smarter than you think.”
.
.
On the road
#roksanatales
✿
Fallen;
I wont be lost
Stolen;
I wont be lost
Hurt;
I wont be lost
Not strong;
I wont be lost
Scared ;
I wont be lost
Fought;
I wont be lost
Silent;
I wont be lost
Loved
I wont be lost.
Find me
Before the mountains crumble.
Find me
Before I m lost.
✿
How often do you feel lost, lost in translation of your feelings and emotions?
This street photography was taken by me, Downtown Brooklyn, April, 2022. Apart from the whole girly face image, I loved the collage of a bird at the bottom left. Do you love taking photographs while just walking the roads? Do you observe things and people around while on the street? Do you contemplate in midst of crowd? Can you find quiet time with yourself even when you are with people around? Just asking! I’m curious to know you 😊
She says, He says He says, She says
⁃ You ll get hurt.
⁃ Then try not to hurt me. And why are you determined to hurt me? Do you need time? To think?
⁃ No
⁃ Okay. I asked you to go on a trip with me but why haven’t you replied? What’s with that look? This is boring. Forget it.
⁃ Have you ever lied in your life?
⁃ I don’t lie. But to be truth to you I have lied when I was little.
Oh, wait! I guess I’m lying right now?
⁃ Now?
⁃ The fact that you still haven’t given me an answer about going on a trip together is really getting on my nerves right now. And I’m honestly a little hurt. But I’m acting like I’m fine, so I guess that counts as a lie. Heyyyy, why are you laughing? If you don’t like me that much, let’s just end it here.
⁃ You can’t just thoughtlessly trust someone when they haven’t done anything to gain your trust. We are not kids.
⁃ You have a point. Right!
⁃ Let’s go on a trip.
⁃ What? But I didn’t do anything to gain your trust.
⁃ You did.
⁃ When?
⁃ Just now. You told me you don’t lie. That’s good enough.
⁃ You’re very peculiar.
⁃ Let’s go on a trip to Stupa Island.
⁃ Stupa Island sounds great.
⁃ Okay.
She says, He says
He says, She says
Their conversation while having coffee.
If only you were with me!
If you were with me
I wouldn’t have to search for you.
If you were with me
I wouldn’t have to wait for you.
If I wouldn’t be there
Will you search for me like this!
If I wouldn’t be there
Will you wait for me too?
Not sure and
I can not say
We are much alike or not ….
But at least you could’ve given me a yellow flower
Just because I love yellow,
Or perhaps a yellow covered notebook
Where I may write gibberish which you wouldn’t approve ….
But you could’ve given me at least ….
If you were with me!
Probably we will not meet in this life.
So there is no chance. Alas!
There is nothing I can do to ease a heartache like this
If only you were with me
I wouldn’t have to feel such heartaches!
That you are
a diamond
is true; cause
you sparkle
so
I sparkle;
just as a dew on
a petal; you shine
then i shine
through
you;
You twinkle
thereon I twinkle
like a beautiful star
cause a diamond
is forever.
its true.
Cause you are
my diamond
and I love u and
its forever
too.
He says, ‘Hello’
She says, ‘Hello o o o’
Just this much!
And they say nothing else …..
.
However they talk a lot
With themselves all day long ….
.
Now this silence and noise
Echoing of a wavelength connecting their minds,
Echoing of a wavelength that prefers speechless songs,
Echoing of a wavelength from the same frequency they send in the sky.
.
Well, that’s very odd!
From a simple ‘Hello’ to finding this colourful ‘Wavelength’ symphony.
.
A good vibe though!
What do you say? Hello o o!
.
My canvas is filled with every other color
But without yellow.
Yellow is my favourite color.
Do you know?
How would you know?
We hardly talk….
Yet this painting is my pride and joy.
Roksana Tales 