Constellations

My thoughts are stars. I cannot fathom into constellations.

The Fault in Our Stars – John Green

I love the name Roksana and Sana a lot … the meaning suggests something related to stars and then again I love the whole universe a lot too💫

Roksana/رقصنا
r(u)-ksa-na, ruk-sana\ is a variant of Roxanne(Persian), and the meaning, literally is ‘Luminous Beauty’, nd loosely ‘The Dawn’

Sana/سناء/साना
means ‘radiance’ in Arabic. From Hindi origins, Sana means ‘to gleam’ or ‘to shine’✨ The name reminds them to never dim their light. It translates to ‘brilliant’ and ‘praise’ also

However, some call me Ruksana (رقصنا) as pronounced in Arabic language. My family and my few school friends call me by my other nickname from my childhood which I don’t adore much, so I don’t use at all … I prefer introducing myself as ‘Roksana Amelia’ …

‘Sana’ is a cute sweet name that I’ve recently grown to love, and someone said that it’s a cute little name just like me, (that made me happy) and often I wish to keep it as my beloved nickname …

And there my artist name is Roksana Amelia. I took the name Amelia from Amelia Earhart, one of the most famous American pilots. She is the first woman to fly solo and nonstop across the United States, among other accomplishments. One day I watched ‘Amelia’ – a biographical film based on her life, and I was so inspired and during that phase of the Pandemic 2020, I started my painting journey, and I felt it’s something that I really love- and it seems like impossible also. There I found inspiration from the film Amelia, and I snapped it in my mind to use as an artist, So that’s the inspiration behind Roksana Amelia. And I mentioned it in the brochure of my first painting exhibition …

Amelia/ ə-MEE-lee-ə
a name perfectly suited to them who approach life with a desire to do their best

My name carries various meanings for different people. I’ve been told it is beautiful. I’ve come to understand that names carry certain expectations, and with a name like Roksana Amelia, people might anticipate someone both distant and distinct …

What matters most is what my name means to me. It took me years to understand that a name can be both a source of alienation and belonging. Having a unique name as a child often meant trying to fit in while feeling different. I loved the name Roksana a lot, then I remember wishing my nickname were different, a short cute name instead of the nickname that I’ve for years. Though I understand that my family and friends love the ‘me’ behind the name they call me, not just the name itself.

And I’ve been given some cute names by my nieces and nephews. My littlest nephews call me Aunt Amy and other elder nephews call me Shimmer, Shimama, Shimapata😊. My father adorably calls me ‘Ma Shi Ma’. Some call me RA, Rok as well- and I understand that they shorten the name to express their love and care through those names. And I wear Hijab🧕🏻, so I’m sometimes Ninja. In the past, if anyone called me Roksy, I would politely say, “Please, do not call me by that name.” However, I’ve fallen in love with this name, mainly because of the affection I receive when it is used. It’s interesting how a name you once disliked can grow on you due to the way others cherish it. Eventually, it starts to carry a sense of grandeur and significance of its own.

It’s only in my adulthood that I began to understand the significance of my name. I encourage any new people to call me as Roksana. I think I have embraced the meaning of this name quite gracefully, wearing it with pride to honor, celebrate and respect whoever I’m with it …

Tell me, who are you with your name?

Or tell me, if people say, ‘What’s in a name? A name is a name is just a name’, what would you say to them?

La Vie Est Belle

Saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t suffice …
I need to say, ‘I love you immensely’ …
Only then does my heart overflow with joy-
Ethereal and divine …

#roksanatales

Tu hai toh – muskurate hai

Nepal, I will always remember you. The experience was so surreal, it delved deep into my heart, making my soul feel the innocent emotions and pain more profoundly that I never imagined I would feel …

Wherever I went, I sensed the presence and warmth of a far away land; I feel that presence flowing through the bloodstreams of my heart. I long for the warmth, fully aware that I am that warmth; to meet the one and merge into unity, to grasp another’s essence within my soul, to see myself reflected in the light of my soulmate. I keep searching only to realize that this beautiful quest is what makes my journey so special. Once the search is over, I will be in eternal despair … So, isn’t this better?

Visiting the mandirs, temples, and stupas made the experience even more fascinated, as I never forgot to pray there. This is quite unusual for me, and I’m not exaggerating, even if it might sound that way …

I realize I love the life I lead, mainly because of my childlike curiosity, carefree nature, sense of humour, deep emotions, enthusiasm, hopefulness, creativity and the immense attraction I feel for the Mother Nature that’s innate in my heart, and the special love that comes from my little heart is the one that meets with The One who roots me with this knowledge that

I’m nothing and everything;
I’m attached and detached;
I’m wild and I’m calm;
I’m possessive and sacred;

Anyways, after the Nepal trip, I’m a bit under the weather from unknown allergies. Moreover I mistakenly attempted some crazy yoga asanas 🧘 on my own to celebrate International Yoga Day (ha ha ha). It wasn’t the wisest decision, but trust me, all my decisions are good ones so far! You just don’t know it yet. Perspective and time matter…

Keep sending good energy and blessings on my way. Keep Sana in prayers!

Namaste/ नमस्ते
Peace/ سلام

Humepenthe

In my heart, you fit …
Piece of love, complete …

child of nature; wild, unpredictable yet beautiful, caring and selfless

Humepenthe/ made up
(n.) someone who makes you forget your pain and sorrow; someone with whom you forget all your worries ….

Eid Mubarak to you All …

I’m taking a trip in Nepal now! So today on Eid Day, I went to the Australian Base Camp; It’s about 2100 meter above sea level to the north Pokhara in Annapurna region of Nepal. It was such an amazing experience. I always know I’m a child of nature …

My me-time would be about being in and around nature …

Nature is wild, unpredictable yet beautiful, caring, and selfless!

So you are!

To me …

Wishing you good health, happiness and peace in heart. Ameen

Jijivisha

So I smiled at me
During my downtime,
When the world became quiet
And the noise of the day
Faded into the soft hum
Of my own thoughts …

I found a comfort
In the echo of silence …
In the reflection of my heart,
In the gentle nod of self-acceptance,
Knowing that in the stillness,
I am enough …

I found myself
In a moment of confusion,
Flickering like nearby, distant stars…
Leaving me
To wonder,
To ponder
The newly discovered
Myself and serendipity …

Ah!
That haze in the spark …
That whisper of confusion …
And of uncertainty …
There is a path
For me …
A chance
To see, to know, to be …

So I smile  
More during my downtime,
When the world becomes quiet
And the noise of the day
Fades into the soft hum
Of my own thoughts …

.

.

.

.

Jijivisha/ hindi / sanskrit
(n.) jijivisha is the intense desire to live (or continue living) in the highest sense of being … it is ‘the will to live’ … It is a powerful force that drives us to keep going, even when things are tough. It is the spark of life that keeps us fighting for another day

Missing You

I missed you
As I woke up in the morning and went to my little garden, I felt your absence deeply …

I missed you
When I saw the fallen leaves and petals from my Kamini flower plants, thinking, ‘If I fall like that, would you understand?’

I missed you
When I ate fruits and nuts and remembered you drinking warm water in the morning …

I missed you
When I held my book, ‘Married to Bhutan,’ but couldn’t bring myself to read it …

I missed you
While watching the film ‘A Time Called You’ as its story revolves around the lover’s rebirth …

I missed you
As you often would say to me, ‘You’re forgetful’ and here I do not know why you’ve forgotten me! …

I missed you
In that moment, feeling a deep sadness, knowing you’ve left forever, and wondering, ‘Why can’t I get him out of my mind?’

I missed you
When I remembered our laughter and heard someone call me by the name you gave me and tears fell from my eyes …

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a terrible emptiness filled my heart, and I asked myself, ‘Why does it hurt so much?’
Then I realized,
‘I miss you so much’…
As I’m left like the remains of all the things left unsaid with you …

Aching Heart

You don’t have to say a word to her
She understands
She’s a shadow fading in your light …

Is she
A whisper lost in the wind?
Meaningless, invisible?
Insignificant?
She might be …

To you

She’s a foolish heart
Sensitive to the way of the world
Bruised by the coldness of yours …
Her emotions, raw and exposed

How can she feel so broken
Lost and unhappy?
It’s a mystery to her own self!

Stupidity, they call it
For feeling too deeply …
For caring too much …
For believing so easily …
For loving unconditionally …
But even in her aching heart,
She remains
A delicate soul in a world too rough …

Being Strong

I believe in being strong,
A pillar amidst the chaos, unyielding and fierce …

Frozen moments tell half-truths

Interestingly I was very heartbroken just before taking this picture but after all the tantrums and tears from being over emotional that I’m, I walked by the sea shore, picked up some seashells and talked with just some kids playing on the beach, and only after doing all these, my tantrums were over and I started to feel beautiful, and smiling again …

Oh! The trauma of watching me in tears is always a little scary thing to the people who love me because I’m ugly in tears. Some look still so beautiful in tears, don’t you think so?

However, in my case I feel it’s more important for me that everyone knows that I’m still so much more than all the emotional baggage I carry from time to time and more than all the bad things that I might have been facing myself … .

By the way, it was a very silly matter for which I was being emotional fiercely 🥷🏻

Feeling things fiercely is not a bad thing, right?

I Am Never Not Thinking of You

Between my
Breaths and heartbeats
Your name echoes
Always in my mind …
In the morning light
In the depths of night
You are always in my thoughts …

Every fleeting second
Every whispered breeze
Carries a piece of you …
If you ever forget
If doubts ever cloud your mind
Know this truth:
I am never not thinking of you …
For you’re my constant muse …

Love

You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
And the extent of my affection …

My feelings are genuine
And my love is sincere
The moon symbolizes my love …

So tender was the kiss
That touched my heart
Such deep affection
Makes me yearn for you …

You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
Reflect on this
And gaze above
The moon symbolizes my heart …

Srinagar, Kashmir