Today, I poured watercolours onto the paper. I didn’t control the flow. I just let them move, soft, wild, honest …
It felt like life. Sometimes, it makes no sense. But still, I move with it. I let it run through me. I follow what feels true, even if no one else understands it …
Nothing made sense today. Nothing went as planned. But I chose to go anyway.
Go right. Go forward. Go my way …
Because even when nothing goes right,
I can still go right …
In my own way …
The butterfly effect means small actions can lead to big changes. Like a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a distant storm, one quiet choice can shape our future. It shows how everything is connected, even simple moments can lead to powerful transformations over time …
Over the past year, I’ve seen this truth unfold in my own life. A single decision, to take a walk, go on a journey, or say yes to a trip, or to start painting, led to deeper healing and new strength …
There was the trip to the Maldives, a place that was never on my list. I hadn’t planned it, yet it turned out to be a gentle gift. I didn’t know I would need that much in my core, and I would love so much of the stillness of the sea, the crystal-clear color of the water, the softness of the days, it all felt like life was giving me something I didn’t know I needed …
Now, as I reflect, I see that letting myself explore the unknown began with small, quiet steps. Like the flutter of a butterfly’s wings, those moments created ripples I’m still feeling today …
And see, I’m learning to trust the small steps because they just might lead me somewhere beautiful …
Butterfly effect is real, I believe, and you?
I♥️
Your absence hums like a violin string snapped mid-note
A comet that vanished before its trail could unfold
The eclipse of a lighthouse on a storm-battered coast …
Time crawls, a spider weaving webs of empty hours
Memories linger like fireflies trapped in a jar
Each one dimming, yet refusing to fade into stars …
Your voice was rain stitching needles through thirsty leaves
Now silence looms like an unfinished symphony’s grief
A mosaic missing its most vivid, sacred piece…
I search for you in the scent of forgotten gardens
In waves that speak like poets lost to their stanzas
In winds that carry secrets of unuttered mantras …
Truth is, I miss you like the moon misses its tides
A ship adrift, no constellations to confide
The ache of a heart where all its echoes reside
I♥️
She used to be calm,
But now she’s even calmer …
She walked slowly,
But now she walks even slower …
She talked freely with the right person,
But now
She barely talks at all …
She mingled happily with her best friend,
But now
She avoids everyone …
She expressed herself openly,
But now
She keeps everything inside …
She used to dream of the stars
But now
She barely looks at the sky …
She used to dance in the rain
But now
She stays inside, dry …
She used to laugh with abandon
But now
Her smiles are rare and shy …
She used to sing her heart out
But now
Her voice is just a whisper …
She used to chase after adventures
But now
She hesitates to even try …
She used to believe in magic
But now
Her wonder seems to die …
She lost her beloved, her heart’s anchor,
Now she drifts, untethered and forlorn …
Grief has woven shadows in her days,
And joy, once bright, feels tattered and torn …
.
.
Ya’ Aburnee/ arabic
(n.) lit. ‘may you bury me’
a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before another person because of how unbearable it would be to live without them
.
.
.
Have you ever felt like these for anyone?
I have a fondness for breaking apart
A fascination with the fragile
The delicate dance of hearts
Walking unsteadily on the edge …
In love …
I have a fondness for breaking apart
At times it seems
Love’s other name is
Broken hearts …
An echo of longing …
A symphony of cracks …
I have a fondness for breaking apart
In love, I find
A beauty in the fracture,
In the spaces …
Where light seeps through the wounds
Where the raw and the real collide
In a blaze of truth and tenderness …
I have a fondness for breaking apart
It’s a mosaic of
Shattered dreams
Pieced together with hope …
A courage of feeling
The audacity of connection …
I have a fondness
For the breaking …
For the way love demands vulnerability …
For the way it strips us bare …
For the way all its flaws are revealed
I have a fondness
For my unguarded heart
Breaking apart …
For in the breaking,
We find the depth of love
The resilience of the beautiful soul …
The beauty of a heart
That dares to love
Even knowing it might break …
That’s how I have a fondness
For breaking apart …
You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
And the extent of my affection …
My feelings are genuine
And my love is sincere
The moon symbolizes my love …
So tender was the kiss
That touched my heart
Such deep affection
Makes me yearn for you …
You ask about my love
How deep it is for you …
Reflect on this
And gaze above
The moon symbolizes my heart …
You love tea
I love coffee
Each sip, a story
Each cup, a journey …
Your mornings start
With delicate leaves
Unfolding in warmth
A ritual of peace …
Yours and mine!
Mine begin
With bold beans
Ground into essence
A rush of energy …
Together
We blend flavors
Contrasts harmonize
Creating a beautiful combo …
Yours with mine!
In your serenity
I find calm
In my vigor
You find spark …
Two worlds
Two cups
One shared moment
A beautiful combo …
Mine with yours!
Do you prefer tea or coffee?
How did you celebrate International Tea Day?
Tell your tea/ coffee story (if any) …
A tender heart treads softly
There at Taj Mahal …
And the marble gleams bright
On her …
As she wears a young love –
Endlessly searching through timeless steps …
Suddenly, I can’t quite understand why I wanted those shoes so much …
I still love the shoes I wore that day, and I remember the feeling of walking around in it. It was our first trip abroad—just the three sisters, our brother, and our parents. We sisters were fond of this type of Lehenga, which was very popular at the time. So, I chose one and matched it with the perfect shoe. We bought these in Kolkata (Calcutta) and traveled from there to Delhi, then Agra, Jaipur, and other places.
On that day, we chose to wear this attire specifically for our visit to the Taj Mahal. It was such a beautiful day—I still remember it vividly. We got ready to see the Taj Mahal in person, wearing our special outfits. My jewelry consisted only of earrings and a watch. In our youth, we didn’t need any makeup, and we three sisters looked stunning in our attire. I still remember how much my father loved our outfits and took great care of us. He made sure we all took pictures in front of the Taj just like this.
Needless to say, I felt incredibly elegant in my own skin—beautiful, serene, warm, and quiet.
I was a very quiet girl back then—so quiet that my close ones used to call me ‘Dead Beauty.’
However, I wish to visit Taj again ..
Do you wish to visit with me?
In puzzled ponder, a name I’ve heard
Though “Roksana” my soul preferred …
Yet as time passed by
A fondness did arise
Love’s influence moves my heart …
Let the name be my tender song
In love’s embrace, I truly belong …
Your absence has gone through me, like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.”
Separation by W.S. Merwin
You cannot save anyone. You can be present with them, offer your groundedness, your sanity, your peace. You can even share your path with them, offer your perspective. But you cannot take away their pain. You cannot walk their path for them. You cannot give answers that are right for them, or even answers they can digest right now. They will have to find their own answers.
My thoughts are scattered …
Oh dear!
Restless I feel …
My heart aches deeply …
He captivates my heart …
My thoughts are scattered …
Right now …
Oh dear!
I continually shatter my heart,
Dispersing its fragments
Until they touch
The depths of your being,
My beloved …
My Dear,
It’s likely that as you were writing to me, I was walking back home from work, taking in the beauty of the flowers in my charming neighborhood …
I adore my neighborhood. The scenery is incredibly captivating with its tall trees and beautiful blossoming flowers. I frequently opt to walk home from work, as it’s only 850-1000 steps from my workplace to my home …
So, what I was saying about my neighborhood!
I really admire the shade under the tall trees and enjoy watching the breeze rustle through the colorful bougainvillea. It’s lovely to see people walking along the footpath and enjoying their time. As I passed by the mosque, I noticed people seeking relief from the scorching heat under the trees in front of the mosque. I adore the vibrant colors, the fragrant scents, and the sense of simplicity in that scene.
It was scorching heat outside. And there I found myself embracing the warmth of the surroundings. There was refreshing cool breeze and thoughts of you. It may sound unbelievable, but it’s the truth. Your presence in my thoughts remains unwavering amidst the whirlwind of life’s events. Please, believe that.
So, where was I? I was expressing my fondness for the delightful, blossoming, shady path in my neighborhood and how much I’m fond of you …
Today I took a break from work as I was feeling an intermittent cramping in my abdomen. Some rest will help me feel better. However,. Sudden leave from work leads me to think, “How can I best utilize this extra time at home?” Swiftly, I begin mentally compiling a to-do list. Eventually, I decided to walk back home…
While returning, I found myself feeling happy to see these blossoms and greens. The outside heat was too strong but I cared less and I continued walking, intermittently pausing to capture photographs.
I returned home and checked my email once again. I was so surprised to receive your mail. This news brightened my day so much that now I feel inspired to spend the next few hours painting.
I find great pleasure in painting when my heart is filled with happiness and I was very happy to read your mail.
Your words and painting will grace my own solitude for today, now and here.
Do you enjoy solitude?
I eagerly await your response to my somewhat poetic emails.
Have a peaceful, wonderful, blissful day!
Yours truly,
^^
Do you enjoy solitude?
C’est la vie means ‘That’s life’ 😊
There once was a curious soul
Wondering how your days roll
What activities fill your time …
It’s something she often wonders about …
Completely immersed in the moment
What do you do when you’re happy or very happy?
A university degree, four books, and hundreds of articles and I still make mistakes when reading, You write to me “good morning” and I read it as, “I love you” …
Can you perceive
An unseen bond between us?
It ties us together; trust it, my love …
It’s invisible, yet unmistakably sensed
Certainly by me …
Do you not sense it as well?
A connection surpassing time and distance…
Ours is an endless bond
Our eternal, cherished blessing …
Through moments fleeting and forever
The thread weaves its way …
Stretching, sometimes tangling,
Yet resilient, unyielding …
As time, as it is infinite, it will stay …
Oh, my beloved, my dear …
Please pardon me, the mistake was mine
Throughout the moments we shared
And the clarity we’ve known …
It took me a while
To fully understand your essence …
Now I know
This love endures, and
Time, place, circumstance may shift,
This love is unbroken, my constant uplift …
I’m uncertain if the title fits these verses. Do you have a suggestion?
^^
In English we simply say
“I love you” …
In poetry we say
There’s a phrase that’s forever in view …
With a heart full of glee
It’s easy to see
That phrase, my dear, is “I love you!” …
I reconnected with that girl anew –
Who once embraced life fully …
Who danced with every step and radiated joy
Whose eyes were some sunflowers, blooming
And whose soul ignited fireworks, dazzling …
I played music for that girl again …
In hopes that its melody would ignite her spirit within
Creating a haven for her to emerge from the shadows
And dance once more under the stars …
Knowing that she would find solace within these moments
With each sunset painted in hues of gold
And each gentle breeze whispering
Through the trees ….
I hoped to create a sanctuary where she could feel safe enough to reveal herself once again …
Deep within, I felt her presence stirring,
A flicker of recognition amidst the silence …
Longing for my kindness and effort that shimmered with possibility
I vowed to nurture her return
To guide her back into the light
Where she rightfully belonged ..
She belonged to the poetry within her …
The pic is from the archive of memories of a young girl; another of her mirror image. She was travelling by train, from Kolkata to Delhi ….
It was an amazing journey!
On this day, he reflected, “I recall she used to attend her prayers for Jumma day.” …
On this day, she reminisced, “I recall he would probably meet the girl.” …
Today, he worried, “She has been feeling a bit unwell. Will she still be able to go to the mosque for her prayers? Perhaps she should rest today. Will she ever heed my advice?” …
Today, she pondered, “When will he meet the girl? Will it be in the evening? That would be preferable. It’s quite hot outside today; they might not feel comfortable meeting in such humidity. I hope their meeting goes well.” …
Despite feeling unwell again, she went to the mosque for Jumma prayer, then in the evening she prayed for him before falling asleep …
In the evening, he met the girl, and they enjoyed their time together, discussing their future life …
Throughout all this time, they remember their memories,
Yet they never announce their presence,
Simply flowing directly into their hearts …
I appreciate your prayers for me.
Tell me if there’s anything else you wish to put in this story ….
…
Gunnen/ dutch
(n.) to find happiness in someone else’s happiness because that’s how much you love them …
His presence lingers always
In thoughts, he resides …
When will I be able to let go of the enchanting pull of Kashmir, with its grand mountains and stunning scenery? I believe I’m entirely in love with it.
Discovering happiness and serenity along the path and journey ….
Have you ever visited a place that lingers in your mind long after you’ve left?
A sip of tea,
And a glance
That we exchanged ,
Sitting at a quiet cafe,
Where our stories blossomed …
Two strangers,
Just so world apart …
Yet here we met
Beneath the cozy ambiance,
And our hearts beat –
A strangely warm tune …
With every swirl of steam
With every stir of sugar –
The fragrant brew gradually becomes
A well-woven fantasy …
As we shared our tales …
There’s a bridge between us,
As we sip and shared…
No need to fuss though …
Each word a melody
Each sip a dance
In this tea date
We found romance ….
Time passes
Paths diverge
From distant lands or
Just down the street
For in this simple rendezvous,
Our soul found
A connection so profound …
My longing, a relentless tide
Your absence, a void deep inside ….
Am I flawed, or loved?
Tacenda
(n.) things better left unsaid
She paints grace
In glowing yellow …
As the brush-strokes
Softly glide through her skin …
Hers is a delicate face
Soothing and serene;
Tread with a gentle touch
In colors unseen ..
That yellow color girl
In tranquil pose ..
She’s a grace …
Yellow is my favourite color … which color do you like most?
Connected, unseen thread binds,
Across time, place, situations unwind …
Stretched, tangled, yet resilience found,
Improbable love, unbroken, and profound …
In strokes of paints and words
My soul opens up inviting you to breathe life into my world …
Yet you missed the essence, and
The depth of my art … Only once though … yet
The entire ordeal leaves me to ponder, and
Torn apart …
Do you feel the echo of my heart’s despair?
Or does indifference cloak the air?
It matters not, for distance now weaves
its sway,
As I journey on,
far from yesterday’s bay …
Though you missed my art’s embrace,
Let its sigh lingers, finding their place …
Somewhere within you …
As you hold it close to your being in time to come
Let its essence, eternal, be freeing …
Let my art reside,
As a silent companion …
As a comforting guide ….
As a cherished part of me …
May it dwell Within you,
So I may live on forever through my art
With you …
I love my Jian Bird Creates journey … it’s a journey of creativity and joy and resilience of a lot more than you could ever think of …
Forget Me Not
Avenoir/ latin
(n.) the desire to see memories in advance or desire that memory could flow backward …
Let silence reigns…
Afterwards let words flow freely, endlessly through us, like a gentle stream ….
Let certain words remain unsaid …
Let some words remain unheard …
Let silence reigns …
For if all is voiced
What remains in the silence?
For if all is listened
What remains in the voice?
Let blank pages be as it is
For me and you, for the time being or for long, long time …
Let silence reigns …
Afterwards let words flow freely, endlessly through us, like a gentle stream, unbound, serene and graceful ….
Most days, when it’s Friday, I remember that on such one Friday I entered his city, and he didn’t show up …
Do you know what I was thinking when I stepped out of the airport? I never been to this airport and unfortunately I was going to stay only the night at his city ….
Our hotel cars were outside the airport. We girls got into the cars and the car was passing through the airport road to get to the city centre … the full moon was racing with us, I was watching it through the car window …with my wandering heartbeats on …
I wanted to believe that he will be there to surprise me. So without any contact with him, I was still hoping that I may see him in there at the hotel lobby and for that I was feeling a bit nervous, ‘What if he actually comes!? Should I go outside to grab coffee with him as he wanted to take me out for a coffee, or should I ask him to have dinner at the hotel restaurant as it was already late because of the delayed flight. We won’t get time for a coffee break somewhere else.’ – to be honest I was feeling very nervous too. And more importantly, I needed to give him the gifts that I’ve been carrying throughout my whole trip,… So I needed to unpack my luggage!”
“Oh no! That would be a mess!” – I was thinking about all these in my mind …
Then we reached the hotel. The lobby was normal with less people. I looked around a little bit more. “Was there any face that was searching someone?” – I was looking here and there and was thinking about this – “Oh! better if he doesn’t come now.” As if I can recognise him. I never saw him even. How stupid and pathetic I was! I was thinking, ‘I want to freshen up first and then I’ll be coming down again for dinner, and may be by that time he would come and I may offer him dinner Dosa at the hotel restaurant’ … I still can’t believe that I was thinking all of these even without any confirmation from him to meet me here! Feeling too much angry at myself ….
However, after the hotel formalities were done, we went up to our room and then I came down with my travel mate and by that time I grew a feeling of no expectation that he would come. ‘If I expect, it’s going to hurt me. It’s alright’ – I was thinking to make myself feel better and now I’m waiting for my dosa with an expectation of having a good dinner, because I was so hungry by that time through so many things and all of these unsure traumas …
Unfortunately
-A delayed flight disappointed me …
-‘He’ disappointed me (He didn’t come. He didn’t confirm he would come though. Still I felt disappointed as if it’s all his fault…. )
-Dosa disappointed me (I was so hungry and I was craving dosa, but it was a disaster)
Now what?
A dilemma …
To keep or not to keep the gift packet at the reception desk!
My poor little handmade gifts for him, and few other things – should I keep my gift packet for him to pick later on when he gets to know that I was at his city and about all of these!
Poor me and my surprise gifts!
Wish he would know how brave it was for me to accept his coffee date for sometime in the middle of the night …
It won’t make sense if he never comes and by that time I started having headaches. I must sleep for sometime, and so I did, having a medicine …
It was 3 AM in the morning, again our cars were on the road of his city to reach the airport. This time I took some videos of the road as a memory of the city.
Long ago when the young girl in me visited this city, she was a carefree young girl who didnt know what does disappointment means! At that time she treasured the memory of visiting the famous amusement park with her siblings – it was full of fun, laughter and pure innocent joy. That time she left the city with delightful memories.
Now she’s leaving the city with the gift she so lovingly brought here for someone she never met before, but whom she thought she knew for a long time ….
This time she was innocent too, as her feelings were so deep and true, but she didn’t understand why she would be disappointed for someone who didn’t even know about the gifts she’s been carrying for him.
But for what reason, she was upset – she didn’t understand though she’s not a carefree young girl anymore …
But she was upset, confused and disoriented because now she was carrying the gifts to bring back home and carrying a strange unknown heart leaving a bit of her heart in this dark city!
Dark, because she entered it with a strange unknown feeling and it was nighttime though the moon was there (a relief to my eyes) and dark, because her heart was broken for a completely unknown, strange, unspecified reason so she was in denial for long …
It was a Friday night entering his city and on the morning of Saturday my flight took off from his city …
So on Fridays, most times it reminds me of
that Friday when I was in his city, and he didn’t show up …
A delusion!
It’s a long post. I’m sorry for that. If you’ve read the whole story, thank you and tell me if you’ve ever felt the same? Or any instance that you might have felt ….
Your thoughts are coming in waves …
Ceaselessly, constantly …
Crashing upon my mind’s shorelines;
Uncontrollably …
Hijr/ urdu
(n.) the feeling of having lost or been separated from a loved one ….
Roksana Tales 